Conversion Reaction
I felt pleased for the first time in over 6 months thinking about James. However, I decided I don’t care that much about him since he became so much like me.
Yet, he became so much unlike me as well. He has too much feminine influence in his life. He smells sour to me, even in my mind. He smells like his mother’s people.
But anyway, that makes him like a scion (or son). Scion generally applies to me, myself, when I’m acting as my own father. And so, he is like a replicant. And that carries with it some sort of disgust, it seems.
But, in name, a son is like a logos. The appreciation of beauty, or theoria, requires a name to indicate what is beautiful. One might, as such, represent god as beauty.
Thus, logos and theosis are related as the name of god is to God, himself. And thus, as a father-figure, I decided I didn’t want to continue this madness.* I found pleasure, as such, for Him… if not for myself.
My hernia went away! [Oops! No, it is back. LOL]
However, this wasn’t a miracle because miracles, in addition to denial, projection, transference, and countertransference also involve crossfixation (transfixion or crucifixion) and crosstransference (or conversion [e.g. rebirth]).
This, as when I thought my hernia was cancer. Then, I felt great sorrow for my mother (who died of cancer). And so, I attributed the healing of my ‘cancer’ to The Virgin Mary (as Mother of God). Nonetheless, I still had the hernia.
*The madness involved all of this repression (oppression and suppression) which culminated in my being, at first, unable and, finally, able to love myself. Perhaps, at least, I gained an appreciation for my own beauty. This is to say, I might now name myself. Or, at best, I might now have a mental representation of myself… and thus regard my spirit.
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