Gender Confusion
Negative thoughts on waking. I have the strength in the mornings to turn them around. Good for a few insights about…
♦ guns
♦ horses
♦ dildoes
♦ (turn around)
♦ leaking pipes
♦ sledge hammers
♦ the penis
… women who used to be men and couples working out their gender confusion.
Yes, I see the excitement in Castro’s [my landlord] eyes when he looks at a corroded pipe or carries a ladder by himself. And I imagine he could entice a younger person to become interested in the archaeology of broken things… tools… how much work one might accomplish over how long a period of time (power).
…
In other matters: I don’t say hi to Brandon [someone I met who is staying at the guesthouse where I live] any more. I don’t even look at him when he walks down the hall. He doesn’t make any effort to say hi to me, either. All he’s done the entire week he’s been here is stay in his room.
I can see from my balcony into the balcony door to his room: He’s on the computer all the time. I’ve seen him with headsets. Sometimes I hear him laugh out loud. He’s apparently talking to someone, video chat… I assume. I’m guessing it is a girl.
I think inappropriate things about what else he might be doing. But, I’m mostly OK with just letting him do whatever it is he does… and without my interference.
I feel some remorse that we didn’t connect. I made some effort in that direction. I also feel some responsibility for things turning out this way. I think he would have gone out if someone invited him (me).
He’s here alone. Yet, I don’t have the qualities needed to motivate him. I can’t even motivate myself.
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