The Refrain
Dear Me,
I hate that commercial (Oh my God!): Free Credit Report Dot Com (and it’s not even free). How much did they pay that singer to sell out (Jesus Christ!)? A singing pirate in a restaurant: Reminds me when I got fired from the steakhouse (Holy, holy, holy!). I remember the way my boss looked at me (Heaven forbid!). And that goofy friend of mine that worked there (Goodness!). My parents must not have raised me very well, talking this way (Holy Christ!). My mom was sooooo fat (No she wasn’t. Yes she was. Just her butt. Mom’s don’t have to be pretty. Mom “was too” pretty… Dear me!).
Don’t think this way (What way?). About hell and damnation (Oh shit!). The devil will be chasing me again (Shit! Shit! Shit!). Remember when he stole your hope (F***!). Time to pray (Oh my God, Jesus Christ: Holy, holy, holy is your name)! Those are just memories. They can’t hurt me! But THAT fat cow on Food Network is such a fag hag (Jesus!).
And I remember that other fag hag in California when I first met the devil and he started harassing me constantly day and night (Just MEMORIES!). And how my mother humiliated me in that dream in front of all my friends until I screamed and screamed that they’d all go away forever and leave me alone (Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on my soul).
Dear me! I’ll go for a walk. Get out of this house. (Fears of dying here. Running out in the street with no shirt and my pants falling down. Trying to get arrested so they’d find my body before it stank too badly). Why did I imagine my nephew showing up, laughing at me, dressing my body in a tutu, and putting a live snake in the bed with me? Whas that real (No. It was like that time my family showed up at that party, called me names, and laughed at my misfortunes and mistakes till I ran away crying. Not real)? Did Martha Stewart really call me a “frustrated hairdresser” (No!)? Did I really run around the house looking for something to hang myself with and a strong rafter (God, yes!).
But, I’m at my favorite spot now. Down the curving road. Off to the side, in the grass. There are trees surrounding me. There is shade here. And that fenced house I like, the one with the big sloping yard, is across the street. Children are playing and laughing in the distance, I can hear a dog barking, and I’m staring through those trees at the clouds (just watching the sun set, now).
But what if someone stops and bothers me? Well, aren’t I lonely? I don’t need any friends, anyway! That car is stopping (no, not even slowing down). She laughed (not at me). He waved, though: What a wonderful life!
Love,
Me (Love me)!
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