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I'm not recalling much from dreams.

But it's fun to consider what composes the pieces I remember.
All I remember from last night's dream is that I walked down the stairs of a smallish museum and there were ants from Venezuela. It was day residue from a previous night when there was a really silly movie on the Sci Fi channel about a bunch of evil ants with an appetite for humans. I didn't actually watch the movie, but left it on while doing homework. In my dream, the ants weren't evil, they were just hanging out at the museum.

Another day residue dream from last week came from the night prior to a trip to a conference. The meeting was held in a lodge in the area of the rain forest. I'd worried about driving because it was going to snow and could be icy. Others offered to car pool the night before we were set to go, so there was no need. Later that night, I dreamt I was at a conference in Tacoma and lost my car because I couldn't remember where the parking lot was. I got on a bus and rode it around and around looking into the streets to see if I could spot it. When the bus moved to get on the on-ramp of the interstate, I got off, because it was well away from whereever the truck would be.

Why does a rain forest turn into Tacoma? It must be because I've had bad driving experiences there. One time there was an earthquake just as I pulled into town, and another I got stuck in a parking lot because the finish on the lot was as smooth as ice. All I could do was spin around. Maybe whenever I worry about sliding around, my mind will attach it to Tacoma.

These things from the past. A person can be afraid of an object or a vehicle that resembles something from the past. I was just thinking..I wonder if the suspicion I had over an orange truck a few years ago really was more about the orange truck that rammed my car (twice) back in Texas several years ago...some neighbors who wanted me to leave. It was a bad area, and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

When I moved here to the NW, I remember being worried about a truck that kept showing up everywhere I was. Looking back now, it was likely the just the matter of a small town and coincidence, but it probably bothered me more because the truck was orange, and I was predisposed to be concerned about orange trucks. I don't know.

Course it could be it's just a coincidence that they just both happened to be orange trucks.

It could be useful, when I am anxious about anything, to pick it apart to see if it really relates to the moment or to something from the past. Is it today, yesterday, or tomorrow?


rambling...maybe I'll try writing poetry instead for the next few posts.
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The neigbhor's christmas lights are still up. I peered over my shoulder this morning while sweeping the snow off the truck to see the Snowman and Polar Bear staring at me, bright and cheery in the dark morning.

One of the businesses that closed in the last two years was a flower shop. I was always interested in the building, but didn't have the funds to buy it. So anyway the other day, I asked a person (who happened to be a policeman) if anyone had bought the building. "Yes" he says..."It's going to be a bakery." And then he stood back, and I could see he thought I'd come back with something. All I was thinking, was that it was a great location, and I'd missed out. "Soo....a bakery." He says, "Yeah, right across the street from the police station..."

Aooh, now I get it...a donut shop.

There's supposed to be a show on called "Life without people", on the History channel coming up. I ran into the concept myself a few weeks ago while searching for a particular agency in Kansas City.

I needed some information quickly, so I called and called again the next day when there was no response. My favorite flaw and strength is tenacity, and I pondered their silence. There had been a slew of tornadoes in that area. (We actually had one close by ourselves - almost unheard of for the NW coast, besides the fact that it is Winter.) I thought, perhaps there had been some disaster close to their organization, so I looked up the town on the internet to see if there were troubles in their news, like getting wiped off the face of the earth. (So I'm strange..)

They had no direct damage from the storms. What was amusing was this article in their paper that read (approximately) "What if we were all gone?" The article apparently led to some graphics that would show how the city would look without people. I didn't click on the graphics. (Perhaps it is associated with that show that will be on the history channel.) There was a bulletin board attached for readers' comments. Some wondered why the article qualified for front-page news, and others wondered "Why are you wasting our time?" I had to laugh, and wanted desperately to reply "I was just wondering if you were all gone...'cause no one answers the phone," but of course i didn't.

Anyone reading my blog might wonder why I am wasting their time, but since it is isolated, I am only wasting my own time.

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It's been a glum few weeks. While searching for a belated gift, I noticed my wish list and sought anew to find a book that my cousin had co-authored before he died. It's a text book, and I was able to get it with a disc for $0.28 and $4.99 shipping.
The disc is a floppy, (but I do have an older computer where I keep my photography records with a floppy.)

No one speaks of him because he took his own life. I found that irritating, but have lost touch with my father's side of the family now anyway. His death still mystifies me. It disturbs me that this bit of his life was outdated and valued at $0.28. I think of my life and the number of hours working and studying and realize that I haven't put my 2 cents in anywhere really. $0.28 is pretty good.

Time moves on. While working on a presentation, I found myself startled at discoveries and processes that we take for granted now that were introduced in healthcare in the late 1930's. To me, that's not very long ago, and the changes made a big difference in survivability. I think, "Wow, that's only about 20 years before I was born." Then I realize that if I explain it to a younger person, they'll think of it being close to a century ago.

I feel sad for the neighbor. A few month's ago he told me his partner was very sick and this was likely his last Christmas. So he put up a lot of decorations on his lawn, great big happy lit up balloon characters, and he left them up and lit them up every night. What day is it? I think he took them down Saturday, 'cause the house isn't lit up tonight. Every time I saw them I felt like crying. I'm glad they're down now. He must've been trying to hold on to Christmas...breaks my heart.

Maybe I just need to crash so I can get back up again. Oh well, tomorrow's another day.

I got 100% on my paper. That is pretty good for an inarticulate person.
The exam took 4 hours of an allotted 5, and hopefully it is not lost in the mail.
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Almost Zen Dreaming - There was one interesting dream last week that could be used for a story. There were two worlds in my grasp. One was utopia, but it lacked some individual freedom. It was a very coordinated society. Its success relied on the strength of the bonds of community and dedication to their agreed upon rules. In fact, it made me uneasy because the rules were not clear, but would be understood over time by careful observation of those that lived in the society. Maybe it was a version of heaven. The other world was my own as it is all slippery and gray. In the dream it occurred to me that I could choose to stay in either as if it were a matter of fact. The theme as a story wouldn't be very original. I must be in Oz again. What I found new about it, was the feeling that it was entirely possible to wander into one and allow the other to evaporate.
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Interpreting:
What I'll take from the dream is that it is entirely possible to make some improvements to maintain my footing and improve my world.

There are so many things that could have inspired the dream. A friend said he might become a monk. That would be akin to slipping away to another world.

And other worlds come calling. Dave and Kim called again from "Oz" on New Year's Eve right at midnight. He said I should toast the New Year. I said all I had was one can of warm beer...but remembered that they had sent a small bottle of wine some years ago. It was still in my cupboard. I told him "I was letting it age."
The label read, "2001". It was a good year.

Yay! 2008!

Tasks
1) Renew workspace and living areas – make them clean and interesting
2) Graph my life
3) Lose weight
a) 12 second routines – build low impact 12 second routines (looked at a book cover by Jorge Cruise) to be done in 5-10 sequences 3 times a day
b) remove at least one major carb item for 21 days at a time from the menu
4) Focus on 21 days at a time for other changes to routine before dropping them.
5) Set aside time for writing/artwork either before 5:00 am or after 8:30 pm each night
6) Consider life alternatives with an attitude that there are only 20 years remaining. Ask myself, if there are only 10 years or 20 years:
a) Is what you’re doing a waste of valuable time?
b) What pleases you now?
c) What long-range goals are realistic? How much is duty versus aspiration?
d) How can you unburden yourself?
7) Get rid of all that junk that takes up space that you will not complete or use.
8) As much as possible live instead of survive. Survival mode should be as needed rather than a way of life. Like the poster says - Move from survive to thrive.
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After gathering data for a financial graph, I think I will start with 1/1/08 and not look back...last month wasn't pretty.